Oh, and yea, I'm still Jewish. So please don't actually buy this and send it to me, because that would be really awkward. I'm just going to be happier knowing that this is out there, that's it's so perfect, and I hope it makes some other busy person happy too.
During an episode of low blood sugar the other night, I was waiting to feel better and perusing the latest catalog we'd received from L.L. Bean. I usually take catalogs straight to the recycling bin, but I hadn't been the one to pick up the mail that day, and it was still on the table. Gracing the back cover, which you know is prime placement, was the following:
Here's the L.L.Bean description:
Introducing our pre-lit option that's ready to hang
- Features a cordless design, LED lights plus a built-in light timer for easier holiday decorating
- Bright berries and fresh, fragrant greens are the focal point of this natural wreath
- Made in the USA
Bring the feel of the woodlands at Christmastime to your door. Beautiful berries and fresh, fragrant greens are the focal point of this natural wreath. Natural pinecones and faux green and red berries adorn a full arrangement of noble fir, western red cedar and green boxwood. Includes a convenient over-the-door hanger. Has battery-operated LED lights with a built-in timer function. 24". Takes 3 AA batteries (not included). Made in the Pacific Northwest, decorations imported. For just $49.95. (!)
You guys? How does this not solve every potential problem you can conceive of? L.L. Bean even lets you order it anytime, but won't ship it until the week of Thanksgiving. Genius.
I can just imagine the scene. Rough day at work. Maybe you've got a runny nose. The train was delayed, and you've still got supervising homework to contend with. But then you see this wreath. This thing you bought with just a few clicks that solves every potential wreath problem that could have existed before this golden creation. This wreath might even be able to cure cancer, it's that perfect. And suddenly, your bad day melts away, and you can greet your family with that special warmth you find during the holiday season.
C'mon, that's totally how these things work, right? Don't you dare ruin my fantasy by telling me otherwise. I don't want to hear about the broken light bulbs, the timers that never worked, or (gasp!) the wreaths that arrived a whole TWO weeks after Thanksgiving. Just let me revel in the supposed perfection of this.
Sigh. I know that isn't really how life goes. I guess I'll just stick with my standard Christmas wish that I've had for years now: Eight hours more in each of my days than the rest of you have.
Now that's a real fantasy.