Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Open Letter to the Perfect Woman at Zumba

Dear Perfect Zumba Lady,

Somehow, I got myself out of bed at 5:15 this morning to make it to the 6 am Zumba class, for my third ever Zumba excursion. I'd been told that this was a smaller group, so it would be easier for an uncoordinated newbie like myself to follow along.

I got to the room a few minutes early, and you had already assumed the dominant position in the class: front and center, just a step behind where the instructor would stand. As I found my place in the back corner and put away my things, an older woman joined the room and you started chatting together. In less than five minutes time, spoken without including me but in a voice loud enough that I would definitely hear, you managed to completely alienate me. The older woman brought up the topic of an evening class; you said you never take evening classes because you need to be home to cook healthy meals for your family. The older woman mentioned a different type of class; you talked about how versatile you are that you can take any type of class offered. You lamented losing contact with a former instructor, but said you refuse to reconnect with her on Facebook, and also refused to allow your husband to post any pictures there. Because cheating spouses on Facebook are responsible for the dissolution of five marriages that you know of.

Just in time to put me out of my misery, the class began. You had every move perfected, sometimes even outdoing the instructor who tried to break things down a bit more for me. Your skin tight, expensive clothes were perfect too - nothing like my Target wind pants and freebie T-shirt. Five minutes in, and I was feeling deflated already.

But here's the thing, lady. You and your perfection are not going to keep me from that exercise class. I have worked damn hard to get my body and my confidence to the point where I am capable of handling that class. Years of back pain, surgery, relapse, physical therapy and months of weekly sessions with my trainer have shown me that I have the strength to move. I am going to suck at it, and get more steps wrong than I will get right, but I am going to do my best to move for a solid hour. I may be the only overweight person in the room, I may be wearing the wrong clothes, and I may be bested by women and men twice my age, but I will be trying. And you can't keep me away.

Oh, and one more thing? You might want to consider making some new friends if so many marriages around you are crumbling because of Facebook interactions. I seem to hang with a much more stable crowd.

Hugs and kisses!


  1. You rock, my dear. I lack the will power to get up for a class like that and I so admire you for doing it.

    Also, I will join you in the lame tee and Target clothes any day!

  2. Love this. That woman sounds awful, but you have the right attitude! You are getting out there and that is what is important.

    And you know what? Marriages fall apart for a million different reasons, but Facebook is just the venue, not the catalyst. Substitute "women in the workplace" or "the telephone" or "women being able to own property" for Facebook as the reason for divorce. Unhappy people who are willing to do unethical things will find a way. All Facebook (or sufferage, or the telephone or the automobile, or anything else) does is make it a little bit easier. If someone's marriage is so weak that a social networking site threatens it, they have way bigger problems than Facebook.

  3. Go, you! :-)

    I know EXACTLY the type you're talking about. They dominate yoga classes where I live. I just ignore them and breeeeaaattheeeeeee....

  4. Sad to say, but that woman is probably way more insecure than you or I ever felt. Good for you for not letting her rob you of your inspiration and determination. Now you've inspired me! It was wonderful meeting you today! Can't wait to learn more tomorrow!

  5. Target wind pants. I need to get those ASAP.

    Funny post, Cheryl.

  6. This is great! I need to harness some of your self confidence and get my butt out there too. Thank you for the post :)

  7. Haha. I love this. I wish I was there to watch you read it at the LTYM salon. For laughs, here I share with you the posts I wrote about Zumba myself.

  8. Love this post and I wish I had been there to watch you read it at LTYM salon. For your laughs, here are my posts about Zumba - http://www.kimtracyprince.com/houseofprince/suburban-zumba/

  9. It's funny how just a few students can make all the difference in a Zumba class (or any class). Where I go, the early afternoon class is like a big group of friends. People are welcomed and talked to and really have a good time. Another class is dominated by these...well, the only word seems to be bitches - who haven't let their high school ways go, despite the fact that one of them seems to be closing in on 60. They take up the front row, saving spots for their friends, blocking anyone else out. Do NOT try to get in one of "their" spots. They only talk to each other and will NOT meet anyone else's eye and definitely will not speak to anyone else. It makes me loathe that class, even though I love the instructor. I like to have fun in Zumba, to be goofy and make it a good time, but they're all serious and badass and have to be Better Than Anyone Else.