I am the kind of person who sets their alarm to wake up at six in the morning to do the dishes.
You see, I was too tired after this hard week, where I continued to marinate in last week's hard, right up til the end, when I called for surrender in the form of a ride home from the train station. It's not that long of a walk, but with snowbanks higher than my knees and portions where the only choice is to walk in a heavily trafficked street in the complete darkness of early evening, I couldn't do anymore hard.
I couldn't face the dishes after Shabbat dinner either. The kitchen sink is also my thinking place, and I didn't want more thinking. I wanted mindless television and a comfortable bed, which is what I gave myself. But I set my alarm, and unlike most mornings lately, I jumped right out of bed, and I cleaned the kitchen.
The thoughts I'd avoided last night came fast and furious this morning. Today, we start the audition process for a new season of LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. There is no one word that can adequately capture my emotions as we stand on this precipice, but it reminds me of Peter Pan in the Disney previews that plays on one of the kid's DVDs, when he grabs someone's hand and shouts "Here we gooooo!" into the night sky. It's feels a lot like flying when you're not sure you know how.
I didn't expect to feel this nervous going into year 2, but I'm glad I still feel as excited as I did in year 1. I know more of what to expect today and the days to come. I also know that my heart will hurt hearing many of the stories. I know I will do my best to honor each of the individuals who shares something.
My story, in the video below, still rings so true for me. I don't know if I'll be reading anything this year, but I'm still writing here, even if it's not as grand as that moment was. But I'm still revealing who I am this way, and it means a lot to me. So building on last year's theme, you should know that I am the kind of person who sets their alarm to wake up at six in the morning to do the dishes, if they couldn't bear the thought of them last night, and today looks really busy and the overwhelming sense of responsibility mandates that you get them done even though it's really cold in the kitchen so early in the morning but maybe you'll find twenty minutes to get a blog post written because of it.
And I hope you'll grab onto my hand, because here we go.