It’s About Time (for an Ending to Busy Since Birth)

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a really long time now. Like, years, if I’m being honest. Blogs are not what they once were, but I still feel a sentimental longing for this place in the ether that was mine. But now I really do think it’s time to say goodbye to Busy Since Birth (once known as The Life of LilMisBusy). 

On March 16, 2007, nearly 20 years ago, I wrote my first anonymous post titled “It’s About Time” where I described myself as “a very scheduled person who isn't very good at relaxing.” That’s still pretty true, though I think I might finally be getting better at the relaxing bit. I still love a full Google Calendar, and I try hard to keep myself busy, because it’s lonely when I’m not. I’m definitely an extrovert, and I love being around people. In recent years though, I’ve had to learn how to be just as comfortable alone. 

The daughter referenced in that first post, Hannah, is now a 22yo college graduate living in NYC with a fulltime job in marketing theater productions. Shortly after that first post, I got pregnant with Max, who is now 18 and going to college himself in just a couple of weeks. The marriage and the time of living in the suburbs has ended, as my dog Shira and I recently moved into an apartment in the city. Which, thus far, is an experience I’m finding absurdly wonderful. I love no longer having the responsibilities of a home owner, I love my new space that looks out on both the city and the harbor, I love furnishing it with only things that make me happy, I love walking along the pier everyday, I love my significantly easier commute, I love all of the new things I’ve been trying because I have the time and space and ease to do so. It’s been so, so good for me. 

But anyway, the busy piece - it’s just not the same now. I’m not sure any phase of my life will be as crazed as the working fulltime mom of two phase was. I look back at photos from that time and in a lot of ways, can’t remember how I survived it. I’m glad I took as many photos as I did, and glad I have this written record of so many details. The saying is true - the days are endless but the years fly by. 

One of the first things I do every morning is look back at my Facebook memories for the day (and crazy that I didn’t have Facebook yet when I started the blog). I love seeing the rhythm and repetition from that huge chunk of my life - the Halloween costumes, the camp sibling photos, the trips to Ohio. It’s a good reminder of where I’ve been, but the things I post now are where I’m going. I’m sure in 10 years I’ll look back fondly on the posts I’m creating now too. The times I’m spending with friends, the moments I’m catching with my kids. 

I don’t really know what’s next in terms of writing for me. I still think about it all the time, and maybe now that this significant chapter is closing, there will be something new that comes. Maybe not. But I’m going to figure out how to do a blog-to-book service so that I can have all 670+ posts in my hands - all of the amazing Having It All Project posts, the silly attempts at sponsored content, the BlogHer recaps, the birthday letters. 

Thanks to all of you who have read these posts and engaged with me along the way. Blogging brought an incredible community of other bloggers into my life, and producing Listen to Your Mother was such an honor. And to the many friends and family members who have reached out along the way and connected with me because of something I wrote - it meant so much. 

I still feel like I’m having it all, at the exact same time. May that never change.

Eighteen

You with some of the band you assembled to record "Fervor"

Today, Max Benjamin, you are turning eighteen. 

The end of childhood for my youngest child.

As with your sister, this will be the last birthday letter for you that I'll be publishing on the blog. It's basically the only thing I've published here for the last few years anyway, but you often encourage me to keep writing. You've become quite a writer yourself these days, of music and of essays, short stories and songs.

I've been incredibly fortunate to have an often (literal) front row seat to all that you do. This year has been filled with music, including your outstanding soloist award at the Mingus competition and performance at Joe's Pub, being a "Teen Leader Teen Leader" with HaZamir and sharing fuzzballs, joining Beantown Swing and performing all over Boston, composing "Fervor" and recording it for the Ellington competition, self-directing the Triplet Feel trio with Nikhil and Bennett into Mingus for this coming year, and "fucking smashing" your audition to the Berklee College of Music during 5-week this summer. My favorite text of the year had to be "Low key tho, Berklee is starting to feel like home" - good thing you get to spend the next four years there!

You drive yourself everywhere (thank you for that) and always make time to watch Saturday Night Live with me (it gets better, but iguanas!). You're very conscious of your phone use, which I do admire, even if it means fewer reels get shared. You and Hannah are tremendously supportive of each other, and I know that's going to continue on. And while Shira is disappointed in your choice not to attend Couch University, she's happy to know that you are always an advocate for couching. 

The name of my group chat with you and Hannah is "The Kids," but I feel like I need a new word to describe this next part of our lives. While I feel very fortunate that I can continue to guide and support you as a parent, I feel like we are genuinely friends as well, and you are my favorite people to be with. Writing all of these letters, I've tried to capture, for a moment, the essence of who you are. But then I found this quote from Charles Mingus himself, "I'm trying to play the truth of what I am. The reason it's difficult is because I'm changing all the time." How lucky that we continue to change, all of us.

I couldn't be any prouder. Happy birthday, buddy. I love you so much.

(You can also see letters for ages three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen and seventeen.)