Remember the Facebook Meme 25 Things?

In honor of the 20 Things I'm posting over on Boston.com Moms today, I thought back to the Facebook meme that was popular back in 2009. With some slight changes, I posted (most of) the below on January 28, 2009, and have added in some current reflections on how well it all holds up. I highly recommend this exercise!

1. My brother Ryan is one of my best friends. I'm incredibly proud of the person he has become and all that he has accomplished, and he's helped my life in many Google-influenced ways.

2. As a kid, I was obsessed with Cabbage Patch Kids. I vividly remember receiving my first and last ones, and the time I got my first set of straight A's and picked out Cabbage Patch Twins.

3. Goldman Union Camp Institute, GUCI, was my home for 5 summers. I loved that place and would go back tomorrow if I could. It had a huge impact on my Jewish identity, and I hope my kids will go to Jewish overnight camp some day. (Hannah went last summer!)

4. My favorite year, despite Algebra, was 8th grade. I had so much fun hanging out with Jen, Marc and Robbie in Mr. Guiliani's choir room during lunch each day.

5. I can be intensely claustrophobic, especially in caves. I discovered that fear during a trip to Israel with my family in 1994, as we tried to make our way through some tunnels dug by the Crusaders. So not for me!

6. One of my biggest regrets, though I had no control over it, was that I never made it into the SHS Show Choir. However, I don't regret my decision not to even try out for it senior year.

7. Part of the reason I don't regret that is that I was N'siah of Chaia BBG #220 (president of my youth group chapter). I still remember the first meeting I led, and how nervous I was.

8. My freshman year dorm room at Brandeis University had a ton of overnight guests (no, not that kind!), such that it was dubbed "Motel 317." I miss being with the various iterations of "The Management" - Carol, Julie, Mike, Aviva, Julia - everyday.

9. Sophomore year I lived in a castle on campus. I was a proud Jewish American Princess.

10. I also became "the email girl" that year as I instituted Brandeis Hillel's first email list for upcoming events. It was sent from my personal account then - how quaint it seems now.

11. I believe it is crucial that people work in a customer service capacity at some point in their lives. I spent a summer in college as a bank teller, and learned a tremendous amount - especially about check kiting.

12. I also regret not studying abroad my junior year. I always thought there would be time later, but I've still never been anywhere in Europe. I think it's a part of my development that is really lacking now. (At least I've now had Paris!)

13. I met my future husband, Marc, via AOL Instant Messenger in the fall of my senior year of college. My screenname was LilMisBusy, and I still use that for my blog. I knew I'd marry him on our second date, when he said he liked the name "Hannah" as we watched the movie "Playing By Heart." This year is the 10th we've spent together. (Plus 4)

14. I got my MBA from Boston University for free, as my two employers paid for it as a benefit. Ah, how I miss the boom times. I still have undergraduate loans to pay off though. (Still true)

15. I got pregnant with Hannah after my first semester at BU, and was pregnant with Max when I ended the program four and a half years later. It took a long time to do, but I'm glad I did it.

16. The best class I took during my MBA program was on decision-making and the biases we employ when making decisions. All the time now, I stop and think about how biased I can be - and yet I usually don't change anything.

17. I had a miscarriage in December 2007. It was a very isolating and traumatic experience, and I wish people talked more about miscarriage so that you don't feel so alone when you're going through it. And I've wanted to put that in writing somewhere for a long time now.

18. A few weeks later the job posting went up for the job I have now. I wouldn't have gone for it if I was pregnant, so I think it was a blessing in disguise. My title is Vice President, Bank Loan Product Associate (I checked my business card for that!). I could tell you what I do, but it really changes everyday. We tell Hannah that I keep track of people's money. It's somewhat accurate. (Well, at least they call me "analyst" now.)

19. I have apple martini green counter tops in my kitchen. When we bought our house, the kitchen was a total disaster, so we demolished it and had it completely redone. I am proud that I picked out most of the items we used, and love that Marc designed such a perfect space for us.

20. I read a ton of blogs, particularly parenting blogs. Google Reader is my friend. I wish I had more time to spend on my own blog, lilmisbusy.blogspot.com. (It's feeling very time capsule-y in here! And wah! Goodbye, Google Reader.)

21. I believe in retail therapy. One of the hardest adjustments after becoming a parent was that I couldn't cure a bad day by shopping for myself after work. I wish I could shop way, way more than I actually do. (I still struggle with that idea!)

22. I'm insecure about my age (though I don't mind admitting it - 31). I'm a young mom, and young to be so far in my career too. I'm also very bad at guessing how old other people are. (All still true, four years later I'm still always feeling too young.)

23. I'm addicted to Gossip Girl and The Real Housewives of Orange County. So different, and yet so much the same. (Still true, with tweet to prove it.)

24. I could eat chicken fingers alone for the rest of my life. (YEP.)

25. I like to look forward to things. If I don't have a big event coming up on my calendar, I get depressed. So some of you - and you know who you are - get engaged, get married, have babies, invite me to something. I'm getting impatient over here! (So what are you waiting for?)

I'm the Boston.com Moms #FeaturedParentBlogger of the Week!

Hi new friends and visitors!

I'm guessing you just found me through Boston.com? I'm so excited to have you here, and hope you'll stick around my site for a while.

So you're just getting to know me, right? Well, first I'd suggest you go through some of the archives below. I've got lots of posts on my favorite topic, "having it all," but hopefully there are others you'll find interesting too. Like some of my favorite vacations, my annual birthday letters to my kids, ongoing struggles with health and exercise, Judaism, Boston and a bit of pop culture fun too. (Yea, that's another 11 posts for you to sink a good chunk of time into exploring.)

I'm excited to spend the week with you all!

General Busy-ness: April 2013

It's been another busy month around here. When I last left you, we were preparing for Passover, and it was lovely. We attended the usual seder in Hartford and then hosted friends for the second night at our house. It was the first time we'd done that, and considering that we had three five year olds in attendance, it went really, really well!

Our Seder plate - with a broken hard boiled egg and a paper shank bone. 

Some room for improvement.

I attended two book events this past month, which is unusual for me since I don't read actual books all that often. The first was the launch party for "Minimalist Parenting," co-written by the founder of Boston Mamas, which I've been reading for years. I'm about half way through the book now, and my favorite tip so far is to bring a paper bag with you for recycling purposes when you're de-cluttering a space. I've always had a donate bag and a trash bag, and then a lumbering pile of recycling to bring down to the bin, and don't know why I'd never thought of that sooner! (I also finally got to hang out with my friend Michelle and meet my new in-real-life friend Liz, which was so wonderful.)

Christine Koh holding up "flat" Asha Dornfest at the Minimalist Parenting book launch.

Then the following week I went to see Sheryl Sandberg repeat the same stories I'd seen/read elsewhere, but this time in person. And she truly is impressive in person, despite my still mixed feelings on the book itself. But the book has inspired a group of local moms to start meeting and sharing strategies for balancing work and life, and I'm excited to be a part of that.

I'm leaning, I'm leaning!

We attended our annual Yom Hashoah commemoration at Temple Emanuel, and this year I was far less involved than in years past. We featured the music of a composer who died in Terezin, and it was truly shocking to hear the music's abrupt end in the middle of a movement because the composer had not had time to finish his work before his death. I had hoped to write a blog post around that time on the whole Justin Bieber/Anne Frank controversy, but never got around to it, so I'll say just this: had Anne Frank been a 14 year old girl living in 2013? It's likely she could have been a fan of his music. Maybe it was narcissistic for Bieber to suggest it, but the bigger tragedy here is that 14 year old girls should have only had to worry over whose music they enjoyed, and not the horrors that Anne Frank and so many others experienced. If Bieber brought a bit more awareness to a new generation of what Frank went through, then I'll take his comments in the likely more generous spirit he intended them.

Hannah lighting a candle at the Yom Hashoah Commemoration.

 Photo taken by someone from the Terezin Music Foundation.

And speaking of generous spirits, check out this post from Honest Mom about the group of bloggers I went to dinner with about two weeks ago. An amazing, inspiring group - next time, we'll get a picture.

Then this happened. I really thought that would be the worst of it, and could never conceive then of what was to transpire over Thursday and Friday of that week. Living in Newton, one of the neighboring towns of Watertown (the police staging area was our Target parking lot), we were asked to "shelter in place" throughout the ordeal. Marc wrote a thoughtful piece on it, and we were all very relieved when it ended successfully. It was like a snow day without the snow, except also a gorgeous 73 degree day we could only experience through an opened upstairs window. A surreal experience for sure.

Following that, we've had such a normal, normal week. Marc and I had a long-planned overnight in Boston that Saturday, to see "Book of Mormon" - which neither of us enjoyed - and I think our nerves were still a little frayed by the week's experiences. But on Monday we all went back to work and school, to the usual making plans and even a return to my Tuesday 6 am Zumba class. Now I'm looking ahead to May and better weather and hopefully, even better days.

In light of last week's events, I hope you'll join me in making a donation to The One Fund. Stay strong, Boston.

The Having It All Project: Naomi Greenfield

I had the privilege of meeting Naomi when I was helping to plan the Temple Emanuel BBQ years ago and we hired her balloon company. You guys, she is simply awesome at this. And then we watched her documentary and learned all about the fascinating lives she profiled there. Now, we catch up annually at Temple Emanuel's Yom Hashoah commemoration. Here's how Naomi is having it all.

Briefly describe your life and what you think makes it unique.

I am the proud mom of happy, fun, ridiculously cute, curly-haired 2.5-year-old Sylvia. I live in a condo on the top floor of an historic house in Arlington, MA with Sylvia and my smart, funny and very calm husband Matt.  I work Monday-Thursday as a Creative Strategist at a multimedia and animation studio in Boston called FableVision Studios.  I met my husband at work and he works about six feet away from me every day!  My Fridays are special days where I try to work very little, relax as much as possible, and mostly play with Sylvia. 

I have a business, Red Balloon Company, that I run on the side making balloon animals and doing balloon sculpture and workshops at parties and events.  Ten years ago, one of my best friends and I made a documentary about balloon twisters, TWISTED: A Balloonamentary.  Aside from being a mom, working on that film was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  The film has screened in 15 film festivals, in 10 theaters across the country and is available on DVD.  I will always consider myself a filmmaker, but right now am much more focused on my job at FableVision, my balloon twisting work, and my life as a mom.

What are some of your favorite tips and strategies for coping with the chaos?

I keep my "Home" calendar separate from my "Work" calendar so I can be organized and prepared for all the things we have scheduled as a family--appointments, trips, birthdays, parties, classes, etc.  I also always look at the month-view on our calendar to get a broad sense of what we have coming up and to make sure our lives aren't too packed.  I like to be busy and with an active toddler it's good to have activities planned, but I also know that we, as a family, need good solid downtime in addition to activities.  I'm also careful not to stress myself out by putting too many "to dos" in one day.  

Also, napping--not just for Sylvia, but for me and Matt!  When Sylvia was born, people always said to me "Sleep when the baby sleeps!" I found that almost impossible to do when Sylvia was an infant, but now that her nap times are more predictable, Matt and I always try to lie down and sleep a little on the weekends when Sylvia is sleeping.  It's amazing how much better I am as a mom, a wife and a human being when I am well rested.

Please share a moment where it all broke down, and how you got through it.

Thankfully, I don't have many times where I felt like everything broke down, aside from that time of immediate chaos right when Sylvia was born and we became new parents.  When Sylvia was about 15 months old, though, Matt had an emergency appendectomy that definitely threw us for a loop.  That night, I had to drive him to the emergency room and leave Sylvia sleeping in our apartment with one of the neighbors watching the baby monitor.  Luckily, my parents live 25 minutes away and came to our house to stay with Sylvia right away.  The week or two after his surgery was also hard because he didn't have much energy and couldn't pick up Sylvia, so the nice parenting balance we had established was disrupted.  It was extra stressful for me taking care of both Matt and Sylvia; Matt was frustrated that he couldn't play with her more, and Sylvia was sad that he couldn't pick her up. Thankfully, that ordeal didn't last long.  It did remind me (and does to this day) just how incredibly fortunate we are to be healthy.

I'm due with our second child in July, so if you come back to me after that, I'm sure I will have many more examples of things breaking down! But I'm hoping we'll figure it out eventually just like we did when Sylvia was born.

Do you have any balance role models? Anything you try to avoid because it wouldn't work for you?

I'm actually pretty happy with the balance of work and family in my life.  I owe that mostly to my 4-day-a-week schedule, which is definitely a financial sacrifice and, at times, a challenge with my FableVision workload increasing.  But having that Friday for myself and to be with Sylvia is a regular reminder that my job is not everything in my life and that I am committed to spending time with my family.  Having Fridays off also makes me feel better about the one or two times per weekend when I leave Matt and Sylvia and work a balloon gig or event.  I feel very fortunate to work at a company that is family-friendly and that has a nice handful of working parents.  It's helpful to see how they all balance work and family life, always working hard when they're at the office, but taking time off to coach soccer practice, chaperone field trips and attend school events.  FableVision also has a generous personal/sick day policy that really reduces the stress that can be caused by having to take unexpected personal/sick time for when your kid is sick.  

I also feel very lucky that Sylvia has a nice balance in her life between time in school, time with me and time with her grandparents.  She has several out-of-town grandparents who we see about once a month and my parents take care of her one day a week.  I feel so happy that together with my parents, we were able to coordinate that one-day-a-week with Sylvia.  It's a very special experience for both of them and one that affords me great balance in my own life, for which I am extremely grateful.

Think back to your 18th birthday. How is your life different from how you expected it to be then?

Well, when I was 18, I think probably my biggest concern was that I didn't have a boyfriend; I'm not worried about that anymore. I think with each new change and adjustment in life--marriage, jobs, homeownership, children--there are new concerns and worries.  Right now, I am so happy and thankful to have my health, to have my family and to have a great job that I find challenging, rewarding and creatively fulfilling.  I wish I could tell 18-year-old me how great everything worked out!

Relate to what Naomi is saying? Leave her some love in the comments. Read other posts from The Having It All Project here. Want to participate? Send me an email at havingitallproject@gmail.com!

Two New Mantras

I've been hearing two phrases all over the place lately, and yet, I started the draft of this post weeks ago and I'm only getting around to working on it again now. Which is exactly why I need these two new mantras in my life.

The first: "Done is better than perfect." If you're like me, you might need to slow down and read that again, because I *really* want to read it as "perfect is better than done." Clearly, that makes no sense, but my perfectionist tendencies scream back at me "Yes! Perfect is by definition the thing to be!"

But I know it can't be that way. Over the last few months, I've felt even busier and more pressed for time than usual. And with a blog called "Busy Since Birth" you already knew I was busy, but it's been worse. There have been so many days that passed by in a blur of motion, going from next to next to next, that at times I'm sure I've done things without even being aware of doing them. A huge part of me thrives on being that kind of superwoman - but I've also noticed that when I finally allow myself to be "done," I really am "done." Like put myself to bed at 8:30 on a Friday night done.

So I'm struggling a bit with that. I want to do all of these things, be they time with Marc and the kids, work, work on myself, seeing friends, reading way too many articles on having it all. But I am trying to tell myself that I can only do all of these things if I don't maintain all of these standards and ideals. That it's okay if the laundry or the dishes wait a bit longer than usual. That it's okay if I don't read the boring article through to completion. That it's okay I yawn my way through Zumba. And that it's okay to go to bed at 8:30 on a Friday night if that's what my body is telling me to do. My friend Nanette recently told me that tasks take as long as the time you have set aside to do them, and I've been working to say to myself "I have 20 minutes to do X, and whatever is done is done." And it's been really helpful.

Now the other thing I keep hearing is: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" That's a big one, right? Answering it could mean nothing - you don't necessarily have to act on those thoughts and ideas. Just giving myself permission to think in terms like that seems bold. I have a lot of thoughts percolating behind that idea that I'm not quite ready to share yet...but I am thinking, and remembering that question as I move forward with life.

These two new mantras tend to support each other. If I'm going to find the time to move forward with the big, scary things I'm thinking of, I'm going to have to find ways to let go a bit on some the other parts. So I'm writing this post as a bit of a reminder to myself as another jam-packed day comes to a close.

Done is better than perfect. What would you do if you weren't afraid?

The Having It All Project: Danielle Van Ess

Danielle is another connection I've found via Twitter as we discuss my favorite issues on work-life balance and the true lack thereof. But somehow, she makes a thriving law practice work while also being a mother of three, and blogging about it too (and the links below are articles I'd already read too - like minds!). Here's how Danielle is having it all.

Briefly describe your life and what you think makes it unique.
I am a full time mom and a full time lawyer with a busy little law firm I started a few years back and situated conveniently right in the family home I share with my husband, our three daughters (ages 3, 6, 8, and their little sister on the way), and a few pets.
 
I think it’s having a law office in our home that makes our lives a little less common.  After the birth of my first child I quickly realized that full time work outside the home in my nonprofit legal career wouldn’t have covered the cost of childcare for my newborn. It took me 4 years of soul-searching and floundering a bit, while working part time from home for former colleagues, to figure out how to fulfill both my career ambitions, be the type of mother I wanted to be, and figure out how to be able to afford to do both. There was a lot of risk involved but the reward is mostly very sweet.
 
What are some of your favorite tips and strategies for coping with the chaos?
I am obsessed with organization in every area of my life, personal and professional.  I’m certain it is the only thing that keeps me sane.  Like so many other modern busy moms of a few kids, I rely on technology, specifically syncing all the carefully-color-coded calendars with multiple reminders, to help keep track of all our schedules and appointments.

I was very late to discovering yoga about a year ago (after about 15 years’ worth of friends telling me that I of all people really should at least try it). I have not been consistent with my practice the way I aspire to be, but when I do attend to my yoga practice I feel calmer, more at peace, more patient, more in touch with my own body and mind, and physically healthier. Yoga should absolutely be covered as preventative medicine!

I also highly recommend chocolate and peanut butter to help power through some of the more grueling work projects, combined with coffee when energy is fading.

Please share a moment where it all broke down, and how you got through it.
How to choose just one moment!?!  There has to be at least one of those per day!  Image this scene for a little taste of a moment when it all broke down and what I did to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

It’s about 8:30 am on a weekday. I’m fully dressed for work in a suit, in preparation for a 9:30 am meeting with new clients, packing my three daughters’ lunchboxes, serving and cleaning up breakfast, and inquiring about homework in backpacks, etc. I tell the big girls to get their coats and shoes on and I head into my office, adjacent to our kitchen, to make sure the desk is cleared off and everything is ready for when I get back from dropping them all off at their three different schools. Shuffling papers around and setting up, I somehow missed the then five-year-old giving her then two-year-old sister a breakfast snack bar. The little one walked all around the kitchen, then into the hallway, into the entry office, bathroom, and finally my office leaving a trail of crumbs it would seem impossible for one little snack bar to make! 

So now I’m on my knees cleaning it all up off the floor, watching the clock, starting to panic about everyone being late to school and getting back late for my new client meeting. I’m mentally beating myself up for our chronic tardiness, starting to bark at the girls, and then spiraling into full mommy tantrum mode, circling back to more mental self-abuse.  I get the little one’s coat and shoes on, get everyone strapped into booster and car seats, and as I’m driving them to school apologizing for my tantrum, whining about how hard this is and expressing doubts about whether I can do it anymore, clearly setting a fabulous example leading to a final piling on of mental self-abuse, before kissing them all goodbye and telling them to have a great day and I’d see them at pickup in a few hours.

I make it back in the nick of time, manage to pull it together for a two hour meeting with a lovely couple who have three boys the exact same ages as my girls.  After the meeting, I decided that for the sake of my sanity and in the best interests of my family and our clients, 10am would be the new earliest available appointment time.

Do you have any balance role models? Anything you try to avoid because it wouldn't work for you?
Balance?  I’ll let you know when I achieve it outside the yoga studio.  As for role models, ideally, I would combine the best of all my friends and family into one superwoman. I would borrow what I envy from all my differently-situated friends, using the falsely limiting yet lazily convenient labels we apply to describe their basic situations: the “full time stay-at-home moms,” “full time work-outside-the-home moms,” “career women” who do not (yet) have children, and the dads who are navigating these same waters their own ways.

But myopically viewing the best of everyone’s situations without accepting the less than glamorous aspects and tradeoffs everyone makes is what gets us into trouble. Despite (or perhaps because of) my thoroughly ‘80s upbringing, since my first child was born in 2004 I’ve been disillusioned to learn that the mythical superwoman is just that, totally unrealistic.  Trying to be her is not only an unattainable goal but also a really unhealthy starting point.  I think the more we all tell it like it really is and pat each other, all of us, on the back for our own efforts and contributions, the happier we’d all be.
 
Think back to your 18th birthday. How is your life different from how you expected it to be then?
This question actually makes me laugh.  I’m pretty sure that back then I still maintained this (in retrospect) totally ridiculous, romanticized vision of myself as a super-stylish, well-rested, city-dwelling, very successful attorney-mama with a happy little baby on one hip (no spit-up anywhere on my clothes) and a briefcase in the other hand (that had inside plane tickets and an itinerary for a fabulous, exotic vacation with my equal-parenting near perfect partner). 

And then there’s reality! I’m a minivan-driving, suburban-dwelling, mother of three (soon four), working my tail off to continue to build, grow, and nurture™ my business, and crashing at the end of every day with my equally tired husband. Sadly, the last true vacation we had (read: without children for more than a one night getaway) was on our honeymoon, over ten years ago. If only I could spin in circles like Wonder Woman to go instantly from makeup-less fleecy lounge pants at school drop-off to dark-circles-covered polished professional, instead of “wasting” the precious time it really takes to accomplish that total transformation. 

I recognize and appreciate how very privileged we are to have all that we do, especially this of all weeks. I do my best to teach my children to recognize how lucky we all are too and to be empathetic and eager to help others whenever they can. Even on our hardest days, I wouldn’t change any of it. I never get the best of all worlds on any one given day, but I do get the best of all them some days and for me, that’s the kind of “balance” I guess I need.

Relate to what Danielle is saying? Leave her some love in the comments. Read other posts from The Having It All Project here. Want to participate? Send me an email at havingitallproject@gmail.com!

My Town

I've lived in the Boston area for almost half of my life now. There is something about this city that I can't quite explain, and it's probably something that others feel about the places they live too, that it becomes a part of who they are.

I fell in love with Boston on a high school trip to the area, sitting in traffic and staring at the Custom House clock. I was immensely proud of my first apartment in the city limits. And so proud to have my children in this city. Obviously, none of that changed today.

Like 9/11/01, I found out the news over an email, this time an MBTA alert. Just last night and earlier today, I'd told people how I loved taking the T on marathon day - congratulating random runners, asking people where they're from, the skipping of Copley Station knowing what was happening above. My office is further away from the finish line now, but at my last job we were right there, and we'd go out and join the crowds. I could never see well enough - would curse myself for being short - but the electricity in the air is like nothing I've experienced elsewhere. For someone who doesn't care about sports, that it was a sporting event almost didn't matter. It was so inspirational, especially all the runners who do it to raise money for charity. Hannah's teacher ran today, and a few of my coworkers as well.

After I saw that the T was down, it took just a minute or two on Twitter to get the gist and know I wasn't going to be able to take the T home for hours, if at all. My first thought was the kids - a striking contrast for me to 9/11. For everything else that seemed the same - the bright blue sky, the stranded feeling, cell phones not working - I didn't have kids then. I knew mine were safe, but still wanted to get home. I left the office quickly and joined a huge crowd trying to get a taxi at South Station. We were all asking where people were headed, and I found a BC student also trying to get to Newton. She had a broken leg in a cast, and was hobbling on crutches. A cab approached and others rushed it first, but he wasn't willing to go where they needed. He saw the college student on crutches and waved us over. I was very grateful for that. We got on the Mass Pike, and many, many emergency vehicles whizzed past on their way into the city. The cab driver took me as far as he could up Centre Street, dropping me off about six blocks from the marathon route. I passed a cluster of runners waiting for transportation, all of whom seemed to be doing well enough. And then, with the permission of the police still stationed there, I crossed Commonwealth Avenue, the marathon route itself. It was truly surreal to be able to walk across that street today. I walked the rest of the way home.

I'm heartbroken for all of those affected today. I'm offended that someone did this to my town, to my home. I wish I had something more to do at this point other than reel. So I'm putting this bit of love for Boston out into the atmosphere. Wishing all of us more peace.