But I Am a Mom!

Ugh.

There's been an increase in activity in the "mommy wars" lately, and I can't help but read every article I come across on the topic. It's not just the working outside the home mom/stay at home mom issue, there have been so many little items out there to slam moms and make us feel judged by others. I've kept silent on it, but this latest post is just too ridiculous not to address.

The post in question is this one, "Keeping Baby Off Of Facebook, For Your Own Good". It's not the typical privacy rant about how we're ruining our kids lives by posting things about them online (and I don't want to get into that subject here), but instead about how women are hurting their professional careers by admitting to motherhood.

Wow. If you can somehow work and keep the fact that you have a child unknown, and you're not some downstairs maid at Downton Abbey, then you have my sincere admiration. Somehow, you never impacted your career during pregnancy. Or maybe you started a new job right after giving birth? And you must have that miracle of a child that never has a sick day, never has a school vacation, never has an in-school event you have to attend? Or your support network is just that robust that you never have to acknowledge the kid at all? Or maybe you're just a really amazing liar then, with an excuse for every occasion?

I am immensely proud to be a mother, especially one in my male-dominated industry. I have multiple pictures of the kids on my desk, and kid art projects too. I openly discuss childcare with anyone who asks, and everyone here knows that my kids are my priority. Studies upon studies, like the article cites, may prove that all this is to my disadvantage. But in the long term, in my own small way, aren't I paving the way for the changes that need to happen in this arena? Why hide this aspect of yourself, instead of challenge the bias that I'm less competent because I'm also a mother? Of course, be smart about it - maybe don't post the videos of your extended sessions of baby talk, or photos of you with spit up in your hair, but were you really going to do that anyway?

I hope that anyone who has (had the pleasure of) employed(ing) me has been able to judge me on the contributions I have made to our workplace. If anything, I want them to think that I'm an amazing employee on top of being an amazing mother. We shouldn't be encouraging other mothers to limit those sides of who they are (or worse, scaring them out of the workplace altogether). We should be proving ourselves every day as both competent employees and human beings in general. Human beings who have children and post pictures of them on Facebook. And in their cubicles.

And It's Just the 13th.

I took this picture on March 30, looking ahead at the month of April on my beloved Google Calendar. I live and die by this calendar; I keep it open all day at work, and often check it again in the evenings too. April looks particularly garish because of my pink-colored "Jewish Holidays" calendar, when Passover and Omer Day counts take over. But this month feels like one big logistical nightmare.

It started with a particularly hectic April Fool's Day, where Marc and I headed in different directions with one kid each. The day as scheduled was a lot, but suddenly became even more when our refrigerator started to whine. Gratefully, Ana was able to help us store hundreds of dollars of Kosher for Passover food, but the rest of the contents of the fridge became a total loss. During a middle of the night low blood sugar episode, I tweeted "The chirp of my broken refrigerator is the quietest, saddest sound I've ever heard." Luckily, it was repairable, but the loss of time and money that week added a great amount of stress to my life...

Fortunately, it was balanced to a great degree by an amazing training course I participated in that week on cultural awareness. The first day was spent looking at some of the biases we as Americans hold, and then I spent two more afternoons learning about the cultures of China, Japan and Korea. The discussions were fascinating and it was so energizing to think about some of the aspects of my job in a new way. I'm really glad I got the opportunity to participate...

Except that it meant a huge amount of time spent not doing my actual job. Admittedly, right after a quarter ends is not the best time to hold a training, as that's usually my busiest time, but I had no control over that. Plus my office was closed for Good Friday, which was really great because I got to take the kids to the dentist before...

We headed to Hartford for Passover at Fillis and John's with Marc's extended family. It was so great to see Rachel, Jon, Nate and Evie and the kids had such a ball being together. We had two great seders in which all of the kids participated. Hannah did the four questions, read aloud in English when her turn as a "participant" came up, and played Dayenu on the piano. Max, Nate and Evie loved singing "No, no, no, I will not let you go!" and whatever bits of Hebrew they could muster. We ate well and went to the playground and did some shopping and Marc and I even got to sleep very well in a beautiful hotel room...

And it didn't seem fair when we all had to go back to work and school on Monday. But back to the routine we went, except a modified Passover edition of the routine with extra lunch and snack packing and a bit of crabbiness over carbohydrate withdrawal (my own, really). And insulin guesstimates that left me with a strange high. And a Yom Hashoah committee meeting that left me simultaneously depleted and inspired. And still trying to catch up on all my quarter-end work. And The Back being a bit touchy. And finally getting back to my personal trainer after three weeks away and realizing just how much I wanted to be there. And seeing that it's been two weeks since posting here and trying to cram this in over lunch.

So yea, life's been a little busy. The rest of the month doesn't look much lighter, and I'm a little stressed out about how to make June work now that school is getting out a week earlier than usual (damn lack of snow days) (but we'll work it out). Next week Hannah has school vacation, and I took Monday off to spend it with her (Marc took off today to spend it with Max, since the JCC was closed for the end of Passover). We're making it work, all the balls are still up in the air, but I'm a bit tired. And it's just the 13th.

How are all of you?

My Evening With Mayim Bialik

Was awesome. Seriously.

You can read all about it here.

And said it my best Joey Lawrence impression, "Whoa!"

That Moment When

A turn of phrase I've been seeing more often lately is "that moment when." Usually, it's followed by something awkward, like realizing you left your wallet at home after you've unloaded a full cart of groceries in front of the cashier, but sometimes, it's a moment of awe. I experienced one of those last night.

That moment when you're living a dream come true that you never fully realized you had.

While I was cleaning up from dinner, sweeping the floor like every other night, Marc sat down at the piano with Hannah. She's working on "Puff the Magic Dragon" for her upcoming "recital" (in quotation marks because it's a very low-key affair) and the piece has a duet component. They sat together trying to get their timing in sync while Max attempted to sing along. Of course Max's singing proved too distracting and everyone got a little frustrated. But from my vantage point in the kitchen, it all sounded lovely. My husband and my two children were making music together.

There are those moments when I'm doubting myself: for being too young, for not having made all the right decisions, for moving too fast, for stumbling, for being closed off. But sometimes, I catch the glorious moments too, and last night was a good one.

Five Years

Today marks the fifth anniversary of The Life of LilMisBusy.

While that may seem amazing to no one except me, allow me a moment of reflection. I've really enjoyed having this medium as a journal of my life, and I've loved the many interactions I've had with family and friends because of it. Design-wise, I haven't changed a thing since that first day, and I kind of like it that way. I want this spot to be about what I'm actually saying, not the super cool graphics or ads.

That might put me at odds with many of the blogs I follow (do you have one I should be reading?). But for me, blogging has always been about the stories. I'm interested in the minutiae of life: how you spend a weekend, your parenting decisions, your health crises, your fears and triumphs. There's nothing more fascinating to me than getting to know people, and my primary motivation for starting all this was to give a little piece of myself back to all those I'm reading about along the way. When you leave me a comment or start a conversation by saying "so I read that post of yours..." it gives me the opportunity to know more about you too.

So I may not be a huge blogging success, but in my mind, engaging with all of you in this way has made me more successful than I could have dreamed. Maybe I can't measure it in Google Analytics, but it's still meant an awful lot to me.

Five years ago we had LilMisBusy, Mr. Busy, BusyBee and eventually, BabyBee. Life keeps getting busier, and I hope I can continue to share it with you. Here's to the next five years.

(Okay, one more thing. I decided to look at old pictures to see what I looked like in March 2007 and how much I've aged. The one picture I'm in from that month happens to be in the same shirt I'm wearing RIGHT NOW. So I guess five years doesn't really change much!)

Then:



Now:

Wanted: Inspiration

Men, you may wish to skip this post, as I'm going to do something here that I have no right to be doing: I'm going to write about fashion.

I feel like I'm actually aware of what some trends are this spring, and that fact in and of itself feels odd to me. But somehow, pastels, floral patterns and tangerine have made their way into my cluttered stream of consciousness. This is troubling because I'm not a fan of any of those items.

I realize I can't spend 365 days a year in my preferred black ensembles, but I do try hard (evidenced by this recent dress order). At least it incorporates flowers, in a big bold way, right?

So what I'm looking for is inspiration. I can't promise I'll take all of your suggestions, but feel free to lead me in a new direction. What are you looking forward to wearing now that the sun should be shining more?

The (Non-)Winter Blahs

Here in Boston, winter hasn't really happened this year, and I'm thrilled. Even with my Yaktrax, I hate snow and ice with a passion. So I feel a bit guilty complaining about having a case of the winter blahs, but there it is.

The month of February has gone by and I felt like we haven't done much. Of course, when last February meant Paris, everything else would pale in comparison. I could really go for some Pizza Pino.

And yet, we've still been busy. I had the opportunity to meet up with one of my childhood best friends, Sarah, who was in town on business. The last 15 years of our lives were covered over 45 minutes and coffee, and it felt really good to connect with someone from that part of my life. Marc and I also enjoyed celebrating our friend Nicole's recent birthday.

The kids are fine. Max had fun being "Star of the Week" at school, is still excited about learning letters, and has spent much of the last two months thoroughly obsessed with pirates. Hannah has been on vacation this week, and I took her to the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum before she got to spend three days away with Fillis and John. One of her school art projects was selected to be displayed at the Newton Education Center, and there is a reception for that next week. And Marc bought a new car, but I'll leave it to him to tell that story.

I've been very busy with temple-related work, first on Share a Shabbat and then on Yom Hashoah (Holocaust remembrance). I watched about 20 hours of footage that was filmed for the movie "Tikkun," hearing the complete interviews from all 35 participants, and the stories are just amazing. "Tikkun" was the short version, just quickly showing how so many members of our community were impacted by the Holocaust, and our committee is hoping to do some longer form versions. Now that I've seen them all, I feel a strong responsibility to do something with them. The experiences are so varied, and I learned things about people I've known for a long time, but never had the opportunity to discuss. The stories are too important to sit unwatched.

I've been trying to continue to exercise, and yes, I still hate it. But I'm back to seeing a personal trainer, now on Thursday nights. Without that scheduled appointment, there is no way I'd bother going. Combining that with time I spend exercising while Hannah takes rock climbing on Tuesdays, I'm doing it twice a week. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that there will be any results from my exercise, but instead telling myself that it's better than not doing any at all. I'm still using my continuous glucose monitor, though it's been more of a struggle with it lately, so I've given myself 24 hour breaks when I need it. In general, it's made me a lot more responsible and diligent about taking care of myself, so I guess it's still a good thing, but when it's not functioning properly, it's really super annoying.

So that's the mishmash of updates from here. How's the winter been treating you?